


Red Eyes

by Catflix



Category: Gravity Falls, Naruto
Genre: Action/Adventure, BAMF Uchiha Itachi, But they don't appear in the story, Crack Crossover, Gravity Falls Spoilers, Mentions of Other Naruto Characters - Freeform, Mild Gore, Stealth Crossover, alright so, honestly i kinda hate the way it turned out, the pacing is too fast sigh, this is a crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-09-30 13:52:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catflix/pseuds/Catflix
Summary: This was not how normal mornings usually go. At least not in Gravity Falls.Dipper rubbed his half-awake eyes, wondering if he was still sleeping. Looking inside their kitchen again, he found that, no, this was not a dream. Not daring to inch any closer, he chose to observe from a distance. Dipper stared at it.It stared back.A Gravity Falls/Naruto crossover fanfiction. Ratem M for violence and gore. Other than that, nothing sexual or too dark. No swearing either.





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> i hate the pacing and i wrote this late at night don't judge me please usually i write better

This was not how normal mornings usually go. At least not in Gravity Falls.

 

Dipper rubbed his half-awake eyes, wondering if he was still sleeping. Looking inside their kitchen again, he found that, no, this was not a dream. Not daring to inch any closer, he chose to observe from a distance. Dipper stared at it.

 

It stared back.

 

_Alright, this certainly isn’t normal,_ thought Dipper as he reached for a broom several feet away. _This is supernatural, and I might be the first one who will experience this._ His hand found his objective and he moved it forward, in an attempt to poke the thing.

 

A _whoosh_ and a dull _thud_ next to his ear proved two things: _a)_ this thing should not be disrupted and _b)_ it had good aim. Further study should be led. 

 

Dipper let go of the broom and inspected the doorway. It had several metallic knives of some sort stuck in it. Dipper raised an eyebrow on their queer shape and proportions, before turning back to the thing. A torn hood covered most of its face, but he could make out two glaring orbs of red.

 

_How interesting._

 

###

 

Dipper struggled to keep his balance as he managed to walk to the kitchen door without dropping any packets. Heaving a sigh of relief and dumping them at the entrance, he turned to face the thing. It was deceptively humanoid, but Dipper was not exactly sure — the cloak concealed most of its anatomy, what if it had crab pincers for arms?

 

It continued staring at him with mild interest before its attention shifted to the pile of goods on the floor. Dipper followed its gaze and shook his head, remembering his original purpose. He dug out a simple loaf of bread and waved it in front of the thing.

 

“So. I guessed you were hungry so I brought some of Grunkle’s secret stashed food. In return, just let me come closer, okay? I’m thirsty and I’m _not_ drinking out of the bathroom sink.”

 

The shining pair of eyes blinked. They continued to stare.

 

“Uh… Let me explain again,” Dipper thought for a moment. How to explain it simpler? “I will,” He pointed at himself and then emphasized at the loaf in his hands. “Give you some food. And you,” Dipper pointed at the thing. “Will let me examine you and come closer. Understand?” Miming the walking action with his fingers, Dipper pointed at it again.

 

More staring. Then—

 

Was it nodding? Yes, it was, it seemed to jerk his head the slightest bit, did that mean… Was he allowed to come through?

 

Dipper scratched his head. _Guess we’re doing trial and error._ He extended the sacrificial loaf of bread before him and inched forward. So far so good, he hadn’t been stabbed yet. Halfway through the way, the bread disappeared from his hands. Dipper looked up, surprised. Did the wind push it off? Did it fall on the floor?

 

His gaze turned to the thing. _Oh,_ he thought as the lost bread registered in the thing’s pale hands. It had snatched it away apparently, though Dipper had no idea how did it manage from such a distance.

 

The thing inspected the offering. As if making sure there were no tricks, it tapped on the bread. Deeming it worthy, the creature unstuck the previously thin pieces of string that were somehow attached to the bread _(so that’s how it grabbed it, huh)_ and lifted it up to its hood.

 

Crunching sounds ensued. In less than a minute, a whole loaf of bread the size of Dipper’s arm disappeared, leaving only crumbs behind.

 

Dipper watched, enthralled. When the thing looked at him again, he came to a conclusion. Shuffling back to the doorway, he grabbed more items. The creature perked up, watching him with even more intensity.

 

“Alright, so this is the deal. I give you more food and in exchange, you’re gonna let the hood down.” He pretended to take off an imaginary hood.

 

The creature surveyed him, balancing out its options. At last, it gave another jerk of its head.

 

And again Dipper went, this time holding a packaged bag of chips. The thing scrutinized him, and Dipper wondered how did he even manage to get a deal. The creature looked bigger and stronger, and yet, it was obeying.

 

He opened the bag, a small _pop_ echoing across the room before handing the chips to the creature. In a split second, it grabbed them before scanning the food again. Dipper did not back down, pulling up a chair from the table a respectable distance from it.

 

It hesitated. A deal was a deal, though, and in the next moment it threw aside its cloak and gazed warily at the boy.

 

Dipper squealed.

 

###

 

In the one hour they were alone, Dipper managed to learn a whole entire megaton on the creature. The creature was a human for one, with sharp aristocratic face features and long tresses of black hair kept in a ponytail. If Dipper had to guess age, he’d say that the human was a teen, sixteen or older.

 

But that did not explain other things, such as the red glowing eyes that later faded to usual black

 

Or the deeply seasoned hardness behind his eyes.

 

Or the fact that he did not utter a single word ever since Dipper found him.

 

Perhaps he was deaf? That would explain the lack of understanding of the most common language.

 

But when he asked for his name, the stranger did try to mutter syllables. That lead Dipper astray. He tried again, this time louder.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

Silence followed. “Dipper Pines.” The said boy motioned at himself. Then he pointed at the stranger. “You?”

 

The teen blinked in understanding, before giving a bow as he muttered something. Fluttered at such display of high respect, Dipper laughed the slightest bit.

 

He tried to repeat. “Itachi? No last name?”

 

Itachi tensed.

 

“Oh, um, if you don’t want to tell it’s okay, I understand.” Dipper waved his hands, feeling as if he overstepped his boundaries. “But it’s nice to know you do have a name.”

 

Itachi turned his head to the side, relaxed and easygoing. He probably did not understand half of the things Dipper said, guessing only by intonation and gestures. His eyes fell on the now exposed side of the head, which for some reason, seemed to look darker and… _wet_?

 

Dipper gasped and scrambled to his feet.

 

“ _Ohmygodyou’rebleeding!_ Come quick, we gotta look you over, follow me!” How could he not notice? That looked like a lot of ouch. He grabbed one of Itachi’s sleeves and found a hand. Itachi stiffened. Dipper did not notice. He somehow managed to force Itachi after him, unaware of the amount of sharp dangerous weapons that happened to be in Itachi’s hand.

 

Itachi quickly hid them a moment later, before the younger boy could notice, though. Dipper dragged him up the stairs, into a corridor and coming to a door. He opened it with ease and pushed Itachi in, closing the door behind them. He then proceeded to open a cabinet and take out the first aid kit that Soos was so helpful to provide.

 

“Now,” He turned to Itachi, a wad of cotton in one hand and antiseptic in other. “How are we gonna do this?”

 

______________________

 

They had to clean off the blood first. Since it was a head wound, the only way they could do this without getting everything else wet was to turn on the shower and stick Itachi’s head in.The wound was not deep and the skull had protected most of the head, but it was still bloody. It seemed to be a few hours old, dried blood sticking to Itachi’s hair and scabs starting to form over the wound. They did not take Itachi’s cloak off though, the raven shaking his head no when Dipper asked.

 

When the warm water poured gently on Itachi’s head, Dipper expected him to scream or at least give a grunt of pain. The only visible sign that it _did_ hurt was Itachi’s dilated pupils and the barely seen clenched jaw. Otherwise, he stayed perfectly still, allowing Dipper to wash the wound throughout.

 

The procedure went over before either of them could notice, Dipper anxious to get it over with and stop the pain. Digging out aclean towel out of another cabinet, Dipper handed it to the raven. Then he opened the med kit.

 

Turning back to Itachi, who by that time was slowly drying his hair, Dipper showed him the antiseptic and explained what was he going to do. Itachi nodded, his hand momentarily reaching for empty space next to his hip. Dipper shot a questioning glance but left the matter.

 

He walked up to Itachi. Getting the hint, the raven squatted slightly and let the younger boy dab the wad of cotton around the injury. Done, Dipper took out a bit of bandage and together, they somehow managed to tie it around Itachi’s head.

 

Dipper clapped his hands together. “That’s it! Change the dressing every day until it heals and it should be okay!” He said.

 

Itachi murmured something, bowing again. Dipper guessed it was a ‘thank you’, though he was still embarrassed with such formalities. Then Itachi looked him straight in the eyes, brows crossed and lips tight, dead serious.

 

Dipper cocked his head. “What is it?” Raising one eyebrow, he wondered what did the raven mean. “Something you want to tell me? Want more food?”

 

Itachi hesitated, seeming to decide against it. Dipper blinked, before waving his hands. “No, no, it’s okay, tell me! You need something maybe? Like uh, sleep? Do you want me to find you a bed?”

 

Itachi frowned, obviously not getting a single word. Then he sighed and dropped his cloak. At first, Dipper did not notice anything. Itachi wore navy blue mesh armor with a simple white belt around the waist and dark blue pants. The clothes were obviously tattered with tears in lots of places, as well as caked with blood and mud.

 

And then Itachi turned around, exposing the angry slash from his shoulder to his mid-back, badly bandaged and facing a high risk of getting infected.

 

Dipper fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo, hi. i don't know why i started this story. i have another multi chapter to finish. why did i start another one. i don't know.
> 
> anyways, for anyone wondering on my opinion of itach - well. i am kinda neutral with him. i am okay reading fics with him being crazier and eviler and getting massacred or with him being innocent and caring and good big bro (tm)
> 
> does this count as a cliffhanger? yes??? no?? idk.
> 
> also, i know itachi is kinda. uh. he started trusting dipper in the first hour they met, i know, i know. but i need to remind that  
> a) ita was fighting so he's injured that basically means blood-loss
> 
> b) also pain pain hunger hunger oxygen depletion
> 
> c) this kid did not kill him yet. only cared for him. if he wanted to kill he'd be doing it sooner and faster
> 
> d) dipsauce didn't even notice these 49 attempts for ita to kill him
> 
> e) dip is a _twerp_. tiny tiny boi. no scary.
> 
> thank you for reading, please comment!


	2. Getting Comfy with the Gobblewonker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know why i wrote this i promise the next chapter would be better
> 
> NOTE: THIS WASNT EDITED

Dipper awoke to bright sunlight filtering into his eyes, quiet voices, and a curious pressure in his elbow. Groaning, he stumbled out of them bed, only to sit back on it in surprise. He blinked a couple of times, wondering if he was still sleeping.

 

“Oh, hi, you’re awake.” The cheerful voice of his sister threw him back into reality. “We’ve been worrying you’ve hit your head too hard.”

 

“Wha— What happened? Hit my hea—” He broke off mid sentence, staring at Itachi who was sitting next to Mabel.

 

The senior was obviously better now. The dark circles under Itachi’s eyes were still there, but they seem to be fainter. The strange lines were also present. And his face… It seemed softer, somehow. Dipper blinked in surprise at seeing him in a much better condition.

 

“Oh y’know, I was in my room, arranging my color combinations for my future sweaters but I ran out of markers halfway through, so I went down the halfway to steal some from Soos,” Mabel answered to his precious question. “So I passed the bathroom and guess what? You’re lying on the floor and there is this good-looking guy who does not understand anything what I say and,” She added in an obvious whisper, “I think I’m in love.”

 

Itachi glanced at her curiously as she continued.

 

“So obviously as a better, responcibler sibling, I told him to pick you up, since you aren’t exactly light, and now you’re diagnosed with a severe case of blinded-by-the-hotness-itis.” She shrugged. “Action had to be taken.”

 

“First, ‘responcibler’ is not a word. Second,” He paused, taking time to process her words. His ears turned red. “Wh-wh-wha— I don’t —no! No wait, what—” He glared at her. “Mabel!”

 

She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, humming. Dipper sighed and shook his head. Rubbing his temples, he looked up again, taking in the who sight of their room.

 

“Wait,” He paused. He squinted at the items strewn across the floor. “What the heck are you doing, Mabel?”

 

She waved her hands at him. “What? I was bored and I had to get acquainted with our guest better.”

 

“But it doesn’t mean you have to play these, uh, _girly_ games of yours!” Dipper motioned to the monopoly-like map with a bright pink telephone in the middle. 

 

He could understand why young girls and females in general (especially Mabel’s friends) liked to play-pretend, because come on, it was fun. He had to admit it was. Mabel had once pulled him in and gosh, he enjoyed himself (once he got over the fact he was talking with a robot over a fake phone).

 

But Itachi? The man looked to be _at least_ fifteen. Likely to be older. Perhaps even in his early twenties, how far could the stretch even be?

 

So why was he _winning in this game?_

 

“I told you, I was bored. And hot stuff is _good_ , especially counting that he probably never played ‘Call Monophony’. He could’ve beaten the whole world,” Her hand moved lightning fast, replacing one of her cupids and completely changing the course of the game. “If only he wasn’t placed against _me_.”

 

Dipper rolled his eyes in fond exasperation. Itachi blinked, once, twice, thrice, before looking up to Mabel with raised eyebrows, them raising even higher when she flashed a bright grin at him.

 

Dipper slumped. This was only the start of Mabel’s summer romances.

 

###

 

Dipper always thought Grunkle Stan was the type to drive away unwelcome guests. But _no_ , turns out he _isn’t_. The largest of a reaction they managed to get out of him when presented with Itachi was a small grunt and a mutter — “Eh, I suppose he could work here. I need more hands anyways.”

 

And so it happened. The raven was employed and quickly given instructions on his job. Surprisingly, Itachi did not need a lot of explanations before getting to work quickly and efficiently. He even managed to put up the lost letter _S_ on their roof back on the sign!

 

To be honest, they managed pretty well together. Mabel seemed to understand Itachi more than ever, when she wasn’t trying to woo him (at some point, Itachi realized she was flirting and casually escaped into the other room). To say the least, Dipper was amused at his sister’s antics. Itachi only showed signs of fond exasperation and the slightest hints of fluster.

 

So far, they started on teaching him the English language — Dipper was impressed on the speed of Itachi’s learning. Itachi seemed the type to watch from a distance, not interfering with the process until he was needed. Then again, there was pure, genuine concern in his eyes every time Dipper tripped over air or Mabel accidentally poked herself with her knitting rods.

 

Dipper could call him a friend.

 

However, with Itachi also came consequences. Some were harmless enough, like Dipper catching the older boy examine the dollar bills after his first paycheck. It raised some eyebrows in the house, as not even Stan could watch the paper cash so intently, mesmerized. He could only guess that Itachi never saw a dollar before, though that close to impossible.

 

Harmless pet peeves were okay. It was on a whole another level when they discovered some of his, _ahem_ , bolder ones.

 

To say the least, Dipper was tired of the smoke alarms going off at the worst time imaginable.

 

(He suspected Itachi was somehow connected with the random outbursts of water)

 

(There always seemed to be more than one Itachi whenever the alarms went off. Itachi could simply travel very fast around the house but still. Suspicious.)

 

Today was one of those times. Only it wasn’t the smoke alarms, as every other time, _no_ , this time it was the _flipping knives flying out of the corner and trying to kill him!_

 

Itachi gave him the smallest of the apologetic winces.

 

###

 

Dipper wondered if Stan even knew how to drive, as they madly swung left to right. Sharp fingernail drove into his left shoulder and he winced.

 

Apparently Itachi did not like car rides at all.

 

He voiced his thoughts. “Eheh, ow, I see you don’t really like moving by wheels, do you?”

 

Mabel snorted beside him. “Aww, come on Itachi, it’s not that scary, you know it — _AAAAAAAAH—_ ” She broke off mid sentence as the vehicle sharply veered right and jumped several feet in the air. They landed back on their seats, Itachi’s breath coming out in quiet, quick gulps. Mabel blinked several times, still shaken.

 

Itachi’s fingers tightened around Dipper’s arm. “N-no.”

 

Dipper groaned. God help them all, was Grunkle wearing an eye fold too?

 

###

 

Itachi’s eye twitched visibly. Usually the raven haired never showed his emotions, with the slight exceptions of faint smiles, vague brow quirks, and sighs. Dipper did not know Itachi _that_ well yet, but even he could see that Mabel’s freakish voice changing skills were, well, freakish.

 

“It’s going awesome.” Her deep voice generated the air as she moved the poor pelican’s mouth up and down. Itachi shivered the slightest bit. “Baw btw _ba-baw-pow!_ ” He cautiously threw a camera at the bird. It found its mark and the poor pelican tumbled over the board, camera tagging along.

 

Dipper’s eye twitched. Eleven cameras. They had eleven cameras left.

 

It was going to be a long day, the Gobblewonker be damned or not.

 

### 

 

_AAAAAAAH!_ Screamed Dipper’s mind as they passed through the waterfall and into the cave behind, the Gobblewonker on their tail. Water splashed everywhere as they managed to squeeze in. Itachi was nowhere in sight as the boat crashed against the bank inside and Soos, Mabel, and him tumbled out of the _S.S. Cool Dude_.

 

“Move!” Comes the clear command from behind them.

 

“ _Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!_ " 

 

Dipper is flying back on the ground as burning hot air flies over him and his twin. Fire crackled somewhere above their spines, but still close, _too close_ to their bodies and threatening to burn them _burn them burn them burn everything turn them into ashes we’re going to die die_ ** _die—_**

 

And then, silence.

 

Dipper cautiously opened his eyes to find he was still alive. Shaken, but alive. He comes to his senses almost instantly, realizing the Gobblewonker is stuck in the cave entrance.

 

Another pause of silence. Then—

 

“Shoot, where’s the camera?” His frantic hands search his vest to come up with nothing, _shoot no no no not now this was their chance—_

 

His sister calms him down. “Boop,” She says, smiling as she lifts up his hat and exposes the last camera sitting on his hair. Dipper laughs, slightly embarrassed, before taking a couple of shots.

 

“Didja get a good one?” Mabel asks him, grinning even brighter.

 

He nods, excited. “They’re all good ones! Though,” he paused and realization hits both of them like a truck as a familiar presence is felt behind them.

 

“Itachi! There you are, where did you go?” Mabel is first, as always, to recover. She flies at the raven-haired teen and hugs him tightly. “We were worried.”

 

“Ah…” Itachi freezes for a moment, before awkwardly hugging her back. “I… Danger…”

 

Dipper cocks his head. “Huh?” He asks, wondering what on Earth was Itachi trying to say. Then, the puzzle pieces slowly came together in his brain.

 

“Oh wait… Wasn’t it you who screamed ‘move’? Cat-on? What was it? Gecko… Goke… Uh, you said something a while there,” He narrows his eyes, turning back to the Gobblewonker who was still stuck in the entrance. “And this thing is on fire… That came from nowhere… Mabel, do you—”

 

But no one listened to him. Mabel was busy cheering over her share of five hundred dollars and Itachi was still staring at the Gobblewonker, his delicate brows furrowed. Dipper sighed, deciding that the matter was let go for now.

 

He would confront Itachi about this weird appearance later, however. That’s for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha isnt it fun to read this horrible trash ha ha
> 
> i swear next chapter would be better _i swear_
> 
> cross-posted on ff.net


	3. Wax Figures and Love Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahaha i suggest you watch the episodes as you read this.

Dipper decided that this was the saddest image of Grunkle Stan he had ever seen. No really, especially considering the fact that they were at the funeral of a wax figure.

 

Stan really had a giant ego, honestly.

 

“Kids, Soos, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming,” The grave voice of their Grunkle even further lowered Dipper’s moods. Itachi let out an almost silent sigh beside him.

 

“Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself,” Grunkle continued and Soos instantly jumped up, protesting. Stan waved him away. “Easy Soos. Wax Stan,” He holds in his tears as he moves his gaze to the wax figure. “I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven,” he wipes an eye, before suddenly breaking down.

 

Dipper gravely watched as he and Soos ran out of the room. Itachi gave out another sigh, before following after, his footsteps strangely silent on the creaking floor.

 

Why was he even here? Pathetic, trying to solve a mystery he couldn’t even find an answer to. Such a detective indeed. Really, even Ducktective was a better investigator than he ever would.

 

He sighed. “Those cops are right about me…” He tells no one in particular. 

 

Mabel’s voice cuts through his sulking. “Dipper, we've come so far,” Dipper silently face palmed. She was using the ‘determination’ voice again. “We can't give up now.”

 

He waves her words away. “But I considered everything: the weapon, the motive, the clues…” He glances halfheartedly into the coffin, before his eyes narrow. “Wax Stan's shoe has a hole in it…” For a moment his mind contemplated that perhaps Wax Stan committed suicide and cut off his head himself, but then his mind caught on and he remembered that wax figures weren’t even alive.

 

God, he was such a loser-detective.

 

Mabel stares at him like he’s an idiot (which he obviously is). “All the wax guys have that.” She raises an eyebrow. “It's where the pole thingy attaches to their stand dealy.”

 

And then it clicks.

 

(He is unsure how, but at the very least these wax figures have been giving him the chills from the first moment he saw them.

 

Perhaps it was never a coincidence.)

 

His eyes wide. “Wait a minute, what has a hole on its shoe and no fingerprints?” His mind is screaming the answer, screeching it into his head and he desperately prays that it isn’t true— 

 

“Mabel! The murderers are—”

 

And then it’s too late.

 

“Standing right behind you!” Wax Holmes successfully blocked the only escape out of this room and finishes Dipper’s thoughts. Other wax figures spring to life and Dipper shivers, their eyes glaring at him, _burning through his soul they’re trying to kill him kill him kill him—_

 

Mabel’s axe is torn away from her hands and Dipper realizes: they have nothing to protect themselves with.

 

They are doomed.

 

Holmes is continuing his slight monologue, which Dipper snaps in time only to hear the end.

 

“…the truth, and now we're going to bury you!”

 

His brain catches up to him and tries to beat some sense into his poor body. “B-but… how is this possible? You're made of wax!” Dipper says, desperateness in his voice betraying his more or less calm demeanor. Mabel whispers something about magic to his left, but Dipper isn’t listening. He is tired of this crap, at the very least.

 

Wax Sherlock laughs, loud and bitter. “Are we _magic_? She wants to know if we're magic! We're _cursed_!” He proclaims, no longer laughing. The other wax figures parrot him and Dipper feels the chills run up and down on his spine.

 

“Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing. Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale.” Holmes continues.

 

Wax Coolio picks on after him. “A haunted garage sale, son!” He nods vigorously and seems to have a flashback.

 

“The Mystery Shack Wax Collection was born. By day, we would be the playthings of man.” Sherlock’s voice became distant and Dipper was getting an impression he too, was under a flashback.

 

“But when your uncle went to sleep, we would rule da night.”

 

“It was a charmed life for us cursed beings…"

 

“That is, until your uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away… But we got the wrong guy.” Sherlock’s fists curl.

 

The thoughts from earlier returned. Dipper’s mind was back on track and racing towards the answer. “So, you're trying to murder Grunkle Stan for _real_?” _Wasn’t that kind of messed up?_

 

His sister agrees with him, as if reading his thoughts. “You were right all along, Dipper! Wax people are creepy!”

 

Wax Holmes’s eyebrows furrow, obviously unpleased. “Enough! Now that you know our secret, you must…” He pauses, before almost whispering the last word, “ _die_.”

 

He leaps at them.

 

And then.

 

Then.

 

Everything goes by a flash.

 

Only later, much later, would Dipper remember everything in horrific detail and see what happened as sudden fire engulfed them, not burning, no, but flowing _around_ them and melting all of the wax figures.

 

Only later he would remember how a voice, for a second time this week, screamed out a string of unfamiliar words or how a buzzing blue force field was around them.

 

Only later he would remember the stillness of air and the screams of wax figures melting around them.

 

Only later he would narrow his eyes and actually _think_ , think about the mysterious blaze of fire and it’s origins.

 

As for now, the only thing that registered in his mind was that _hot hot hot warm I’m not dead yet!_

 

And then he was jolted back to the present, a familiar presence crashing into him and his sister, and… Embracing them?

 

Mabel coughed, unburned and untouched, but still in shock. She waved the smoke away, continuing to wheeze. “Ow, ow, hey Itachi,” she meekly hugged him back.

 

Dipper shook his head. “Hah, right on time as always, Itachi.” Why was everything spinning? And blurry too. Huh, where’d the wax figures go?

 

Itachi let go of them, his arms falling neatly on his knees, from where he was sitting on his legs. He glared at them. Then he rose up, ignored their winces and Mabel’s “ _God, he sure does have a scary aura,”_ and dragged them out of the room, muttering all the way. Dipper could not hear the words and he bet neither he would understand them even if he tried. Besides, Itachi’s own tone already suggested he was not pleased.

 

The smoke alarms finally reacted in the formerly wax figure room and started sprinkling water everywhere just as they exited the room. Dipper face palmed. Trust it to Grunkle to install the cheapest smoke alarms in the house.

 

###

 

“Check it out, Dipper! I successfully bezazzled my face! Blink!” Mabel winks at him and winces a moment later, sequins flying off her face. “Ow.”

 

Dipper raises an eyebrow. “Is that permanent?”

 

“I'm unappreciated in my time…”

 

He waves her off as the doorbell rings. “Somebody answer that door!” Grunkle yells at them from the other side of the house.

 

“Itachi!” They both scream together. The said person sticks his head from around the corner, where he had apparently been practicing katas and raises his eyebrow at them.

 

They learned about katas only a few days ago. Itachi has been doing them on their backyard when he and Mabel rushed in almost got skewered. Good thing Itachi caught himself before actually throwing a kick towards their heads but still. They were careful for a few days after that to never play tag blindfolded.

 

At the very least, he had explained it to them as best as he could. It was weird, as while Itachi’s English has been getting better over time, it was still proving a challenge for them to understand.

 

It took them some time to realize these katas were used for fighting.

 

“Ninjas!” Proclaimed Mabel.

 

Dipper said “Unrealistic _,”_ and proceeded to explain. “Must be only some kind of tradition or hobby. Perhaps he is learning martial arts. But no ninjas. These are out of service for a long time.”

 

Itachi only cocked his head at them. He did teach one to them (after countless minutes of begging), a movement he called _Kime-no-kata_ , and forced to practice for few hours in return for the his own disturbed session.

 

Thrown back into the present by Mabel’s loud voice, Dipper blinked several times before motioning towards the door. “Get the door, please.”

 

Furrowing his brows back at Mabel’s glittery face, Itachi obeyed, and ignored her wink.

 

“Howdy.” The smallest kid with the biggest hair Itachi had ever seen glances up at him. Itachi pauses, contemplating his life, before raising an eyebrow in a single question.

 

The kid’s cool facade wavers for a moment, before seeming to refreshen. “Good day to you Mister, uh, Pines…?” The twerp’s brow twitched at the lack of Itachi’s response. “I-I’d like to see Mabel, please.”

 

Itachi closed the door two thirds way through, leaving a crack between the door and the frame. The brat peeked inside not even a moment after and Itachi, without missing a beat, closed the door all the way.

 

“Mabel-san.” He called softly. Mabel whirled around to face him. “Guest. Yours.”

 

“Oh oh, alright, thanks ‘tachi! I’ll be there in a second.”

 

Itachi nodded and returned to his katas. “Be careful.”  
  
“I will! Thanks again!” She disappeared outside. Itachi only sighed.

 

###

 

The door clamped shut, the bang echoing across the living room. Dipper faintly acknowledged Mabel was home, and not a moment later, ten manicured fingernails resembling claws dangled in front of his face. “Hey Dipper. What's goin' _oooon_?”

 

Dipper almost fell off the armchair, catching himself just in time. “Whoa, where have you been? And what's going on with those fingernails, you look like a wolverine.”

 

“Who came?” Itachi called out from where he was, apparently in the kitchen. “Mabel-san?”

 

“I know, right?” Mabel giggled to herself, before glancing in the direction of their kitchen. “Imma go scare him. Let’s see his reaction.”

 

Dipper blinked at her. “You can’t! He’ll flatten you!” He whispered.

 

“We’ll see who can run faster, will we, bro?” She grinned at him, before disappearing around the corner.

 

A shriek and a soft “Ah!” was the only thing Dipper managed to hear before fast-paced footsteps and a screaming Mabel dashed past him and outside. Then an even faster, blurry shape of Itachi raced past him, too nimble for Dipper to even make out the full body.

 

Dipper shivered. The aura Itachi was emitting… Mabel was screwed.

 

###

 

“It's not a date-date, it's just, you know, I didn't want to hurt his feelings and so I figured I'd throw him a bone.”

 

Dipper rolled his eyes fondly. “Mabel, guys don't work that way. He's gonna fall in love with you.” He clarified, before focusing back on their video game match. Damn, he was about to die, Mabel was _good_.

 

Itachi nodded. “Gleeful-san adores you greatly.”

 

Mabel scoffs. “Yeah right. I'm not that lovable.” She twists the controller. “Kaboom! Yes!”

 

“Okay, we agree on something here.”

 

The doorbell rings for the second time this day and Mabel springs off her seat. A second later a scream is heard from the hallway and Itachi is up in less than a second. A faint _whoosh_ and a _crash_ pierces the air and Mabel’s slightly estranged voice is heard all around the house.

 

“Itachi! It’s Gideon, you can’t — how did you even do that — you can’t punch his horse out of our doorway!”

 

Dipper sighed. More problems on his head.

 

###

 

The door slams again, Mabel walking in the room with a lobster. Raising an unimpressed eyebrow (Gravity Falls was a town so queer, he rarely was surprised anyway), he voiced the obvious question.

 

“Hey. How'd it go?”

 

“I don't know… I have a lobster now.”

 

“Well, at least it's over and you'll never have to go out with him again.” He pauses, her lack of a response tensing him. “Mabel? It's over, right? Mabel?

 

“BLAARRGG!” Dipper winced. Mabel always had a striking voice. “He asked me out again and I didn't know how to say no.”

 

Itachi looked up from where he was examining yet another dollar bill under a lamp. “You forgot your language?”

 

She sighed and joined him, pulling out a chair at their table. “I-It’s not like that, Itachi.” She hurried her face into her hands. Itachi shot her a sympathetic glance. 

 

“And I do like Gideon, as a friend slash little sister, so I didn't want to hurt his feelings! I just need to get things back to where they used to be. You know, friends.”

 

Itachi cocked his head. “Tell him. Kami-sama is kind to the honest people.”

 

“Oh Itachi, if only what you said made sense.”

 

###

 

Stan sighed and hanged up the clown painting on the wall. “I coulda had it all.” His gaze slips on the twins and Itachi. “What the heck happened to you three?”

 

“Gleeful-san.” 

 

“Gideon.”

 

“Gideon.”

 

“Gideon. Yeah, the little mutant "swore vengeance" on the whole family. Ha, I guess he's gonna try to nibble my ankles or somethin’.” Grunkle Stan rolled his eyes, before plopping on the armrest of the couch alongside the exhausted trio. Itachi flew up few inches off the seat as Stan flopped down next to them.

 

“Hn. Gleeful-san is very annoying.”

 

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, how's he gonna destroy us now, huh? Try to guess what number we're thinking of?” Dipper laughed. 

 

Mabel waved her hands. “He'll never guess what number I'm thinking of. _Negative eight!_ No one would guess a negative number.” She smiled at them.

 

“I’m glad everything’s back to normal now.”


End file.
